Richie McCaw, the world’s greatest rugby player, has been placed on the official endangered species list of his native New Zealand.
The All Blacks skipper joins such vulnerable and exotic wildlife as the little spotted kiwi, the Hooker's Sea Lion, the Hochstetter's frog, the Shortjawed kokopu, the Hector's dolphin and the Chatham Islands taiko on the list.
The move, believed to be the first time a sports star has been the subject of such an order, will take effect just in time for the All Blacks’ northern hemisphere test matches in late 2010.
Under the government order, it will become a criminal offence to “harm, kill or painfully ruck” the famous open-side flanker.
To ensure he is not mistaken for other, more common members of the All Black species – itself currently under the threat of extinction because of commercial farming from the Northern hemisphere – McCaw will wear bright purple pants in all future internationals.
Why the choice of colour? “Because, frankly, Richie tends to find himself quite often marooned on the wrong side of the ruck,” explained a government spokesman. “Now instead of thumping him or stamping on him, opposition will only be allowed to slap his butt and say ‘Tag’.”
Under current legislation a species is deemed ‘endangered’ when there are low numbers and it has not bred successfully. While Richie McCaw has a girlfriend – professional snowboarder/snowboard instructor and NZ dancer Hayley Holt – he has yet to breed any offspring, and any that he does have will have to undergo a maturing process over at least two and a half decades to take their place in the wilds of Eden Park, or Canterbury’s AMI Stadium where McCaw likes to roam.
A critically endangered species needs to be kept safe from predators, such as rats, cats, Martyn Williams, Bakkies Botha and George Smith. They often need to be moved to safe places (such as the All Blacks side of the ruck) and given help to reproduce – though judging by the look of Hayley that shouldn’t be a problem.
OTHER ENDANGERED SPECIES
Hochstetter's frog: A New Zealand primitive frog, one of only four belonging to the ancient family Leiopelmatidae and named after the Austrian geologist Ferdinand von Hochstetter. Found only in the North Island, the Hochstetter’s frog has more warts than other endemic New Zealand frogs. That may explain why they are endangered – would you want to breed with one? Their amorous options are also constrained by them being camouflaged and nocturnal. Curiously they do not croak. Although most have.
Little spotted kiwi: The smallest of all Kiwi birds, the Apteryx owenii is little spotted – No-one can last remember seeing one – living only on remote Kapiti Island off the coast near Wellington. Not the best of predators due to its inability to either fly or see beyond the end of its beak. Not surprisingly, then, it feasts on grubs and a whole manner of distasteful insects – not because it likes them but because it can’t see what it’s eating.
Hooker's Sea Lion: One of the larger New Zealand animals, it has been a protected species since the 1890s. Despite the name, no relation to All Black hooker Andrew Hore, himself quite partial to the occasional seal cull.
Shortjawed kokopu: The Shortjawed kokopu is described by the Department of Conservation as the kiwi of the water world (presumably meaning it either can’t swim or fly) – “secretive, nocturnal and threatened”. It climbs upstream in search of shady places – gambling dens, rugby league grounds, the Australian embassy. Like the other kokopu species, it starts life as a whitebait – so would be delicious lightly fried in a beer batter with a hint of lime....
Hector's Dolphin: Also known as the White-headed Dolphin, Cephalorhynchus hectori, is one of the smallest cetaceans. Its subspecies, Maui's dolphin is the most endangered subspecies of all marine mammals. There are approximately 110 Maui's dolphins in the wild, with only 25 of those estimated to be breeding females. The rest are said to be quite stand-offish.
The Chatham Island Taiko (Magenta Petrel): Along with the McCaw, one of the world's most endangered species. That’s probably because it breeds only on the Chatham Islands, a god-forbiddingly freezing place 800 kilometres east of New Zealand. No wonder there are only 14 known breeding pairs – would you go to a place like that for a love tryst?
The Richie McCaw: Only one of this rarest and much-loved species is in existence and it is considered to be deeply vulnerable to attack from foreign predators, including the deadly Schalk Burger pest, introduced periodically from South Africa. Likes to nestle in dark places, usually belonging to rival species, where it can be regularly spotted successfully rummaging for their eggs.
Print
Email
