The cup is coming home

Wayne Barnes: "Blind as a bat, irritatingly superior and bull-headed as hell. He's perfect for the part!"

Controversial English rugby referee Wayne Barnes is the shock choice for the lead role in the multi-million dollar production ‘Mr Magoo – the musical’, which is due to debut on Broadway and London’s West End in early 2011, The Cup is Coming Home can reveal.

The musical is loosely based on the original tale of a crotchety, nearsighted, lovable old millionaire, first shown in cartoon form in 1949.

The story of the endearingly affable and accident-prone old coot was turned into a successful movie starring Leslie Nielsen as Mr Quincy Magoo in 1997 by Walt Disney Pictures.

Such is the enduring popularity of the Magoo character that a consortium of multi-millionaire backers is understood to have tempted musical supremo Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber into taking charge of the new production.

The British composer is responsible for such musical theatre smash hits as Jesus Christ Superstar, Evita, Cats and The Phantom of the Opera.

Coming to a theatre near you: Wayne Barnes in 'Mr Magoo - the Musical!'

Difficulties in casting the crucial lead role delayed production by more than a year. But The Cup is Coming Home can exclusively reveal that Sir Andrew was tipped off by his Welsh agent after the controversial All Blacks-France Rugby World Cup quarter-final in Cardiff in October 2007 when referee Barnes somehow missed an estimated 17 penalties that should have been awarded to the New Zealanders and a match-winning French pass that was more forward that Mae West in her prime.

“The guy is clearly blind as a bat, irritatingly superior and bull-headed as hell. Yet you can’t help but love him – the French sure did,” said a source close to Sir Andrew. “He’s just perfect for the part!”

As a result, the script has been adapted to tell the hilarious tale of a hapless international rugby referee who can barely see beyond the end of his nose – but insists he is always right.

The musical traces Barnes’ incredible career as a hopeless, hapless, rugby referee who makes it all the way to the top – despite being nearly blinded after achieving the near impossible feat of missing his mouth with his whistle and stabbing his right eye out.

Like the original Mr Magoo, Barnes then refuses to wear glasses and subsequently always gets into trouble, once famously sending off a set of goalposts for obstructing the kicker.

The musical script adapts the tag line from the movie – ‘It was the worst jewel heist in history. And the only witness to the crime... didn't see a thing’ to ‘‘It was the worst forward pass in history. And the only ref on the scene... didn't see a thing.’

The Cup is Coming Home has gained exclusive access to the score (no, not France 20-All Blacks 18, the musical score), which is understood to include the following classics adapted from earlier Lloyd Webber works.

* Don’t Cry for me Aotearoa

* Jauzion and the amazing tricolour dreamcoat

* I don’t know how to love him (the Ballad of Ali Williams)

* The phantom of the flop era (Graham Henry’s Lament)

* What’s that buzz? Tell me what’s a happening [sung by Luke McAlister]

* Whistle down the wind

* Any World Cup dream will do

* Mister Whistlestop-alees

* Sunset Forward Pass

* High Flying Adored (at least till the quarter finals)

* Too much in love (with myself) to care [Wayne Barnes solo]

* Starlight Ibanez

* Memory (of 1987) – sung by the New Zealand national choir

* Another suitcase in another airport baggage hall (Richie’s Farewell)

Sir Andrew is understood to have cast craggy French star Gerard Depardieu as wild-eyed second rower Sébastien Chabal while Joaquin Phoenix, star of 'Walk the Line', will play Dan Carter.

Luke McAlister will be played by an unknown bin man.